Realise

Realise... Realise.... RealiseD!!

In just a few months, starting from January, starting from the beginning of the year 2009, I realised a lot and I mean A LOT of things. Myself, Concepts of Life, Stress, Friendship, Hopes, Wishes, Hardwork, Talents, Thinking Abilities, Tricks, Sins & Guilt, Manipulation, Focused/Specified Strengths & Weaknesses and some other small matters. Life has been totally different since the beginning of this year.

Today, no. Tonight! I've made myself very clear with one thing.(I had lots of thoughts about this but I wasn't sure if my theory was right). I call it " Focused/Specified Strengths & Weaknesses ". One may be Good/Professional in one field, but it does not mean that he/she is good in every parts , every bits and pieces in the field. And in that field, the One would also have his/her weaknesses, in some parts.

Don't get a word I'm saying? Let me give you an example. A person, I will name the person X. X is good in Mathematics, always scores well in tests. However, X is weak in certain topics which X don't even know or don't realise or not sure that X is weak at the topics. Obviously, X is good/strong in most of the topics in maths. Syllabus type and question types are also tightly linked to this.

Still don't get it? Here's another example. Y is a good runner. But that does not mean Y has maximum stamina and maximum speed. Y may be a good runner, but Y may have a good speed but poor stamina, or vice versa. Does that mean Y is not a good runner anymore? Nope, Y still is.

What I am trying to say here is that... Nope, I'm not trying to say "Nobody is perfect". People may be good in the same field/area, but they're all different. Different people, different thinking, different approach, different life style, EVERYTHING DIFFERENT!! Okay, I'll try to put it in a simpler way. Two people are good/professional in one particular thing, but one may be good to the Left Side and the other may be good to the Right Side. Get it? It's not just Left and Right. It's not just 360 degrees. View in a Spherical Way. Picture it as a Sphere. Angles are of Infinity!!

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Eventhough I know and I realised all the things stated above, but I still don't get why I'm so depressed. One more thing to share, regarding Hardwork and Hopes.

The more Hardwork you put in , the higher the Hope you would have. I'm not saying it's bad. But if the Hope gets too high and if the one small part screwed up, Everything Screw up! The higher the hope, the stronger the impact/strike on your brain/heart/emotions if it fails.

Recently, all the things I worked hard for and had high hopes on, all turned out bad. While all the things I didn't want or didn't expect, all turned out well or favoured me. Everything's the Direct Opposite. I am sure..very sure that I worked hard.. worked really hard for the things I want to achieve, the things I want to obtain, the things I want to own. But now, I think it's just a waste of time and effort. Let's just say I'm Fated to face all this. What's worse is that I'm a person who doesn't let things go easily. I guess everything's gonna stay in my head for a while then.

Thinking too much
Disappointed in myself
Self-Hate
Maybe Olympiad Maths just isn't my thing afterall
Sigh~
But I do know which parts and what kinda Maths Questions that I'm capable of doing well

Love,
hean²